I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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