I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
