how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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