it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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