i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
