what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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