His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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