Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
