I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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