No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize