shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
