Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
