this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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