The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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