went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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