i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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