her vagine was all disorganized.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
