So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
vagina is talking i cant
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize