We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
