if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize