Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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