eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize