I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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