so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
