I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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