just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
