you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
