oh god the rape fog is back!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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