dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
