What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
