me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
