Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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