Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
