i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
