the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
