i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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