she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
