Sponge bath it is.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
