Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize