My hand turned me down
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
