It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just pee around me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
