The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
