Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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