the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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