this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
