honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
