The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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