I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Come see our sink grown plant.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
