If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
