so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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