there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
