saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
