I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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