I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
