So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
