I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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