and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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