i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
