I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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