Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
