He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
