Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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