I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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