With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
