I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
