I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
