Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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