Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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