Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
a search helicopter?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Randomize
