We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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