a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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