Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
