I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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