did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
