your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
