Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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