i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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