I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
