Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
