when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize