2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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