giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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