ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
