Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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