At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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